The Birth of Forgiveness

Forgiveness (for others and ourselves) is born from realizing security, grace, mercy, and blood. Up until tonight, I had an understanding of grace, mercy, and blood, but not security as much.

We cannot forgive until we find our security in YHWH as a just Father; we have to lay it at His feet, though.

If you never release the situation to YHWH, it festers and grows. It distorts into new re-enactments and old lies that we begin to believe. You find yourself at a stand still trying to forgive someone out of your own strength. You are searching for security with a pack full of insecurities on your back.

We bring our pain to our Abba; we release it and say, "I trust you, as a just Father. It is your situation now, to judge how you see fit. Bring me peace and the grace to forgive and to not pick up my offenses again."

I see a revelation of security rising; it isn't sunrise yet, but the sky is pink.

Forgiveness will follow.

EL ROI

El Roi - "The God who sees me."

Genesis 16:13
¹³ Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God who sees (EL ROI)”; for she said, “Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?”

I find it so beautiful that Hagar is responsible for a commonly used name of the Lord, one of my favorites, in fact. THE GOD WHO SEES ME. Where was Hagar when she was seen? Running.

The Angel of the Lord found her "by a spring of water in the wilderness" (Gen 16:7), fleeing from Sarai who was "treating her harshly." So, here we have a picture of ourselves in Hagar: fleeing from abuse into a wilderness place. The amazing thing is that YHWH loves to meet us in the wilderness and desert. Not only does He provide a spring for her, but then the Angel of the Lord meets with her and gives her comfort and instruction. He says, "Go back. Go back to the place of abuse and submit yourself; and by the way, you're going to have this wild son that everybody hates."

Not exactly the instruction I would want to hear, and yet Hagar doesn't argue. She doesn't say, "No thanks, Sarai's awful and I have this bastard baby to protect." NO! She says, "YOU ARE THE GOD WHO SEES ME! HOW AM I EVEN ALIVE AFTER BEING VISITED BY YOU!"

I'm not really even sure what to do with that response. As an arguementative child of God, I feel as though I would have stamped my feet and asked for more blessings. What kind of woman does it take to absorb what the Lord said and not even mention, not even pause to think about, how negative it sounded? Instead of focusing on the burdening parts, she focuses on the fact that the LORD SPOKE TO HER. That He SAW her running. That He MET her in the wilderness.

I see so many women with heartache over what has happened to them in their lives, they hear from God, but all they do is ask "Why, Lord, could You let this happen to me?" when instead, our hearts posture should be, "Lord, I can't believe You would even listen to me cry; what kind of love do You have for me that You would want to listen to me cry?"

This is not to say that you can't be honest with Abba and ask "why," but I've found time and time again that when I cry out, "How could you?!" the reply is a gentle kiss on my cheek and the eyes of a Father looking into mine. No words, just love.

How can I begin to be offended when the Lord has kissed me in the wilderness?! YES! I AM STILL IN THE WILDERNESS, sure, but that is where I met my Father! That is where I grasped the name EL ROI! THE GOD WHO SEES ME!

It doesn't matter who I have been hurt by, YHWH SEES ME. It doesn't matter if it was my fault, their fault, or "God's fault", YHWH SEES ME. It doesn't matter how offended I am or how graceful, YHWH SEES ME. If I was running from my own mess, from my family's mess, from the mess of the corrupted world, YHWH SEES ME.

In all seasons, we are seen; we encounter. We may never hear what we want to hear, but we encounter and are not offended; we encounter and are blessed by the encounter...

...and how are we all still living after these encounters?

Broken Bones

Psalm 51:8 "Make me to hear joy and gladness, let the bones which You have broken rejoice."

A personal call to align my spirit with joy. To me, "let" is not used here as a "could you let?" It rings in my soul as a personal command. Bones, rejoice! My bones do not end up wanting to rejoice very often...

As a personal prayer, Psalm 51:

^"1 Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your loving-kindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
² Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.

⁵ Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
⁶ Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
⁷ Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
⁹ Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.

¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
¹³ Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.

¹⁴ Deliver me from blood-guiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth may declare Your praise.
¹⁶ For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

¹⁸ By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar."

A reminder that my heart should be postured in this way day to day. A beautiful prayer of longing to be restored; to be brought into the Father's arms. Can I pray it enough?